Deo Gloria
Sermon for October 6, 2024
Pastor Martin Bentz
Text: Ephesians 5:21-6:4
Theme: God’s Design for a Healthy and Happy Home!
- Mom respects dad.
- Dad loves mom.
- Kids obey mom and dad.
- Dad teaches the kids about Jesus.
It isn’t hard to see that homes are in trouble now days. Divorce is running rampant in both non-Christian and Christian homes. Over half of all couples who get married end up getting divorced later on with devastating emotional, financial and sometimes physical consequences for adults and children alike. Sometimes I hear a mom or a dad who is going through a divorce say, “Oh, the kids will be OK. We try to keep them out of the messy stuff. They’ll be OK.” Do you know what I’d like to do when they say things like that? I’d just like to scream. The kids are not OK. And they will never be the same. In getting a divorce, it’s like you take a bomb and just blow their world apart. I remember when our daughter was a freshman in college. She had a roommate who came from a broken home. Even though her parents had gotten divorced a number of years before, Katie told us how her roommate would just break down and cry sometimes. Her heart was still broken over her parents’ divorce. On top of that there is so much abuse that goes on—physical abuse, verbal abuse. On top of that there is so much depression and anxiety and suicide. They say depression is at an all-time high among teenagers and young adults. On top of that there is the disobedience and outright rebellion of children against their parents, against any and all authority. Ask a teacher what their greatest frustration in the classroom is. It isn’t too many students. It isn’t a lack of teaching resources. It’s the disobedience and outright defiance of the children. And when they try to talk to the parent or parents about it, 9 times out of 10 they get no support at all.
Of course, there are a lot of reasons for the trouble that homes are in, but I submit to you that one of the main reasons is that families aren’t following the plan anymore. In fact, in many cases they’re ignoring the plan. They’re ignoring the wisdom God has laid out for families on the pages of the Bible. So how about we take a few minutes this morning and take a look at that plan once again, God’s design for a healthy and happy home?
In v. 21 Paul lays out a general principle for all Christians to follow. It’s actually part of his definition of Spirit-filled living. Being filled with the Spirit means not being filled with wine and getting drunk.(v. 18) It means speaking to one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs.(v. 19) It means being thankful to God for his blessings.(v. 20) And it means submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.(v. 21)
The word translated “submit” literally means “to place oneself under someone else.” It’s what a citizen does to the president or leader of his country. It’s what a worker does to his boss or supervisor. It’s what a person does when he or she gets pulled over by a police officer. It has nothing to do with value or importance, but has everything to do with order.
Picture a truck driver, driving his 18-wheeler on the way to deliver another load. As he’s approaching a school zone, suddenly a 14-year-old crossing guard puts up his hand and steps out into the crosswalk to allow a group of children to cross the street on the way to school. Why should this burly, mature truck driver submit to the authority and instruction of some scrawny, 14-year-old crossing guard and stop his truck? Because if he doesn’t, he might plow into a group of children and some of them might be hurt or killed. So for the sake of good order and the safety of everyone, he submits to the authority and direction of the crossing guard. Submission has nothing to do with value or importance. It has everything to do with order. Here for the sake of good order and out of love for our fellow Christians, Paul urges us to submit to one another, to be willing to put others ahead of ourselves and do our best to help and serve each other.
Then, beginning in v. 22 Paul applies that general principle to various members of the family. He starts with wives. OK, husbands, you can check out for a few minutes if you want. You can switch on selective listening or just go to your happy place for a bit. But I don’t want to see anybody checking his cell phone, trying to update his fantasy football league. Got it. I need to speak to your wives. Ladies, pay attention. This is God’s wisdom and guidance for you: “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” There he goes, doesn’t he? He uses that stupid word “submit.” Well, just remember, this isn’t actually Paul speaking to you. This is Jesus speaking to you, you know, the one who gave his life for you on the cross, the one who loves you to the moon and back and so much more, the one who always wants what’s best for you. He’s the one who is asking you to submit to your husband, to willingly place yourself under him, under his leadership. And remember too, submission has nothing to do with value or importance, but has everything to do with order. God has established an order. He has made your husband the head of your family. It doesn’t mean he’s any better than you, because he isn’t, and you both know that. It just means that God has set up an order and in love he asks you to respect and follow that.
In fact, he asks you to submit to your husband as you do to him. Do you hate submitting to Jesus? Do you hate following his will and his guidance for your life? Of course not. You know he loves you. You know he always wants what’s best for you. Jesus asks you to adopt the same attitude toward your husband. Why? Because he is his representative. “For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior”(v. 23). I know sometimes it’s hard to think of your husband as Christ’s representative. Sometimes he doesn’t act like it and is a poor excuse for a representative of Jesus. You’re right, but the same is true of you. Sometimes you’re a poor excuse for a representative of the Church. The fact is you’re both sinners and you both need Jesus’ love and forgiveness each and every day. But here’s the key: The relationship between a husband and wife is supposed be modeled after the relationship of Christ and the Church. The husband it to be a loving and gracious leader just like Jesus, the kind of guy who would do anything for his bride, including lay down his life for her. The wife is to be a loving helper just like the church, the kind of gal who would do anything for her man, including submit to his imperfect leadership. “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything”(v. 24).
OK, guys, time to tune back in. Ladies, you can take a break for a while and tune out if you want. But don’t let me see any of you checking your cell phones either. I just need to speak to your husbands for a bit. Guys, listen up. This is God’s wisdom and guidance for you:
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.(vv. 25-33)
For starters, let me point out the obvious. God’s word of instruction to husbands is three times longer than his word of instruction to wives—9 verses as compared to 3. When God puts you in charge of something, that means you bear greater responsibility and he expects more of you.
If you were to sum up God’s instructions to husbands, you could do it with just one word: love. “Husbands, love your wives”(v. 25). The word for love in the original is agapate, obviously coming from the word agape. Agape is a selfless kind of love, a giving kind of love, a love that is willing to do for others, a love that is even willing to make sacrifices for others for their good, for their benefit. It’s the kind of love Christ demonstrated for us, his people, his church, the kind of love he demonstrated when he gave himself up for us, when he willingly went to the cross and gave up his own life for us so that we might have forgiveness and eternal life in heaven. Paul expresses it like this: He says that Jesus gave himself up for us “to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless”(vv. 26+27).
Picture a wedding. The bride is walking down the aisle in a dazzling, white dress, adorned with lace and sequins and a long flowing train. She looks absolutely stunning. Picture another bride. Her dress is tattered and torn and filthy. It looks like she’s been rolling around with the pigs in the pig pen. So which bride are you: the one in the stunning, white dress or the one in the dirty, grimy, filthy dress? On our own you and I are the second, aren’t we? Our clothes are covered with the dirt and filth of our sins: the unkind and hateful and critical and demeaning things we said to our spouse and our children; the times we were anything but a loving and caring husband, anything but a loving and respectful wife; all of the times we were disobedient and disrespectful and rude to our parents; all of the times we failed to be loving and caring parents for our children. Our wedding dress is absolutely filthy, stained with sin through and through. And we expect to live with God in heaven? We expect that our heavenly bridegroom will accept us like that, covered in all our dirty, filthy, stinky sins? Not a chance! He will turn away in disgust and banish us from his presence forever.
But look at what Jesus has done for us. In love he gave up his life for us to make us holy. In love he washed away the dirt and filth of our sins in the waters of holy baptism. In love he has covered us in the robe of his own righteous, his perfect holiness, so we can stand before him as his beautiful bride—holy and blameless and pure.
That’s the kind of love that God expects husbands to show to their wives, a love that is selfless, a love that is willing to put her needs ahead of his own, a love that is willing to make sacrifices for her and for her good, a love that is even willing to lay down his life to protect her from harm and danger. Why? Because you are his representative and you are to model his love to her.
But if you need another reason, Paul provides another starting at the end of v. 28: It’s for your own benefit too. “…husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body. ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’”(vv. 28-31). In marriage God joined the two of you together and made you one. So just as we Christians are members of Christ’s body, your wife is a part of you, part of your body. So the way you treat your wife is the way you treat yourself. Have you ever heard that expression “Happy wife, happy life”? In a way that’s what Paul is saying here. When you’re kind to your wife, you’re being kind to yourself. When you’re patient with your wife, you’re being patient with yourself. When you help and encourage and support your wife, you’re helping and encouraging and supporting yourself. “He who loves his wife loves himself”(v. 28). So husbands, love your wives even as Christ loved the church.
OK, kids, now it’s your turn. Mommy and daddy can tune out for little bit because Jesus has some guidance and direction for you too. “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right”(6:1). In other words, no talking back, no smart remarks, no making faces behind your parents’ backs, no grumbling and complaining when they tell you to do your chores or clean up your room or help with the dishes. If they tell you to do something, you do it, with a glad and willing heart.
Paul gives you three reasons for obeying your parents. The first is that you do so “in the Lord.” In other words you do it because you’re a follower of Jesus. He loves you. You love him and this is what followers of Jesus do. They obey their parents because he asks them to.
Secondly, he says you should obey them “for this is right”(v. 1) So what makes this right? What makes obeying your parents the right thing to do? God does. He is the one who sets the standard. He is the one who determines what’s good and right and what is not. And in the 4th Commandment he says: “Honor your father and mother.”
And he also promises to bless you when you do: “…which is the first commandment with a promise—‘that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth’”(vv. 2+3). Do you want things to go well in your life? Do you want to avoid lots of problems, including problems that will shorten your life? Do you want to enjoy a long life here on earth? Then do your best to obey your parents in the Lord.
And finally, Paul has a word for fathers. So guys, I need you to tune back in for a minute. Jesus has another word of wisdom and guidance for you as fathers. First he says, “Don’t exasperate your children”(v. 4). Don’t be that overbearing dad, the one is always riding his kids, the one who is always demanding, always demeaning, always critical of them and what they do, the one for whom nothing is ever good enough, and whose children feel worthless and just want to give up. Don’t be that dad. Yes, yes, God wants you to discipline your children. He absolutely does. But when you do, always be ready to forgive them too and assure them of your love and point them to Jesus, their Savior.
Paul says it like this: “Bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord”(v. 4). That’s right, dad. God wants you to be the one who teaches them about Jesus. He wants you to be the one who brings them to church. He wants you to be the one who sings Jesus Loves Me with them. He wants you to be the one who prays with them before a meal and before they go to bed. He wants you to be the one who actually sits down and reads the Bible to them. Yes, mom can do those things too and she should. But he wants to you take the lead because you are the leader in your home. And your children will follow your example—for good, or for bad. Be a godly father and teach your children about Jesus.
Sadly, many homes are in trouble now days. Would you like to turn things around? Would you like to build a happy home and a happy marriage? Then follow God’s design, the plan he lays out for us on the pages of the Bible. Ladies, be like the church and respect your husbands. Men, be like Jesus and love your wives. Children, obey your parents for Jesus’ sake. And dads, do your best to set a good example and teach your children about Jesus. Amen.